Failing at 100 MPH

We all have different ways of learning and ways of being taught. I saw an awesome t-shirt the other day that said “The Winner Spoils and the Loser Learns”, so naturally I picked it up for myself. In a society of First World problems and participation trophies, it can be easy to stagnate. Without constant training and vigilance, it could walk you into a world of hurt, as well. As instructors, our goal is to impart our knowledge of firearms and tactics to the student. Hopefully, it’s a knowledge transfer coming from experience and not solely regurgitated from the middle of their favorite gun magazine or self-proclaimed, internet-forum expert. But when you sit back and think about how experience is gained, it mainly comes from a long trail of blood, sweat, tears, and dead bodies, both in the real world and in training. Forces both in and out of their control has put them in a situation where they had to make that choice and it was the wrong one. Taking that corner and smacking the wall going 100 MPH followed by flying into a million pieces. When this happens, it’s time to pick up all the pieces and remake it into something new and better than before.

We never remember the victories, we always remember, dwell on, and learn from the colossal failures. The training environment is the best place for this to happen which means you need to push yourself to that next level as safely and consistently as possible. I attended my first USMC Close Quarters Battle (CQB) course in 2008, clearing MOUT cities with the venerable M16A4 rifle (read: musket) with 4x ACOG’s scope. The unit had MK18s at the time, but the support personnel did not rate it. The musket obviously was not the right weapon for the job but there were no other options available to us. After about a week of this training, we moved into force-on-force with non-combatants intermixed with the opposing force. CQB at that time basically consisted of filling the room with guns as fast as possible without any emphasis on moving as fast as your ability to process the disposition of the target presented. In the chaos of inexperience and high adrenaline scenarios, I engaged a non-combatant target. My 19-year-old LCPL self made every excuse and tried to justify the engagement. At the time, trying to maneuver a musket in a confined space with an optic that was designed for engagements to 500+ meters was outside of my ability. I was blaming a hardware problem on a software problem. Regardless of the excuses, and at the end of the day, I shot someone who didn’t need to get shot.

Shortly after the worst PT session of my life, I was tasked to every extra duty my Sergeant could think of. Then I was assigned to write a letter to the victim’s parents on why I had killed their son, and what I am going to do to never let it happen again. The stipulation was it had to be handwritten with no less than 5000 words. Each individual letter had to be one of 3 different colors of pen or pencil and no two colors could touch. I hated every second of that long weekend but the weight of the task was worth its weight in gold and thank God it happened in a training environment. This taught me the importance of my decisions and consequences of my actions. I failed miserably on that test, but it only remains a failure if you give up and don’t do anything to fix it. My life’s mission at that point was to make sure my weapons manipulation was on point as well as moving/engaging only as fast I could mentally/visually process. If this is my craft then I have to know how to properly use my equipment in both perfect and unorthodox situations to affect the best level of survivability for myself and others I am responsible to and for.

There are a million and one examples of experience gained by failure that I have collected over the years. I can successfully say that up to this point of my career, through both real world and training environments, I have not engaged a no-shoot target outside of said situation. I plan to keep it that way by keeping that failure burned into my mind and use it guide both myself and my students. There is no way an instructor can guarantee with certainty that the curriculum taught will ensure that you will have 100% survivability in any situation. But good instruction will definitely increase those chances of success significantly. Do not be afraid of failure, embrace it as fact of life that can sometimes be outside of your control. But for those that have control of outcome of their situation, heed the weight of the experience passed down to you through that seasoned and competent instructor. Consider it an addition to your life insurance policy and apply it realistically to your training regime. It could be just a failed scenario. It could be a bad day on the range. It could also be the difference between life or death. 

-Win